Hartman House Dressing/Marinade/Cheap Drunk

NOTE: For reasons of historical accuracy and general laziness I have not edited this recipe, hence the layout problems and such. Sorry.  It's another thing we created to get plant matter into our kids stomachs. Enjoy!


1 liter     Kalamata Olive oil (1)
1 cup or so cheap balsamic vinegar
1 large wine glass     Latour '63
4 or 5  anchovy fillets, or smoked herring (see NOTE)
1/2   Lemon
1 big blopping tablespoon     Dijon mustard
1 Boatload     garlic, peeled,  little brown umbilicals and any brown spots cut off (2)
1 Boatload     fresh herbs (3)
Wooooseeestershire sauce to taste, probably a teaspoon or so
Freshly cracked black pepper to taste
One nasty little pinch of sugar
Salt to taste

1) Juice the lemon and if you want, chop up a teaspoon or so of the zest. Rinse the herbs and dry them on a paper towel. (4)

2) Put the garlic, mustard, anchovies, herbs, lemon juice and zest into a food processor. Add enough balsamic vinegar just to cover it and chop the bejeezes out of it. It doesn't need to be pureed,  it should have lots of little pieces in it.

3) With the motor running if possible, add a few drops of olive oil. Let it process for a few seconds to start the emulsion. Slowly add more oil, waiting for it to process every few seconds.

I don't have a big food processor, so at this point I put it into a large bowl and use a wire whisk to beat it like DELETED as I slowly add the oil. You'll want to add more vinegar.

4) Call me first, then rush like hell over to my house so I can have the Latour. Hmm, maybe I'll make myself a steak to go with it. Thanks!

5) Add the Woosterstuff sauce, pepper and sugar. Mix it up and taste it (I like to use a cucumber stick or jicama, but a clean finger works well) before you add any salt, or more pepper or other stuff.

(1) OK, so you'll need a little less than that.
(2) 1 boatload equals a dozen big cloves or so. At least.
(3) A bunch of basil and half a bunch of parsley does well. I use about two cups of herbs.
(4) You don't have to go crazy drying the herbs, they're full of water anyway.

 NOTE: If you are using canned anchovies or anchovy paste you don't have to rinse them. If you are using the fancy salted anchovies then soak them for five minutes in water, then pull their little spines out, pinch off any bones or guts that are left on them (this is why anchovies don't like humans) and rinse them well. You can also use smoked herring, which is really cheap and you can get it in any market. A can costs about a buck. Sometimes they are called kippers or kippered herring. Use the ones in oil, not sauce.

NEXT NOTE: It hardly ever stays emulsified so don't worry about it.

EVEN MORE OF THESE DAMN NOTES:  You might notice that I have these NB type notes and the numbered notes above. I noticed that too. Too much Fledermaus will do that to ya.

SIGH - MORE NOTES:  If you are going to use a different oil, I would recommend cheaper rather than more expensive. You are going to process it with a boatload of garlic and anchovies. Any subtle flavor derived from the precious volcanic soils of Vesuvius are going to be smothered by the fragrant tang of the fruit of Gilroy.

Hartman House Spice Rub

You get a whole lotta yum with a few spices

Difficulty: Easy

Prep time: 15 minutes

Cooking time: None

Cost per serving: Maybe a quarter

Useful leftovers: Keep it dry and cool

I use this mixture a lot! I use it as a general seasoning and a spice rub when I barbeque or smoke meat. It's good on vegetables. You can add other spices or herbs to adjust it for individual recipes.

Notice there is NO salt in this. I mix salt into it when I use it so I can control the amount. There is nothing in here to keep it from hardening. So sometimes, especially if you live in a humid climate, you'll have to scrape or hit it with a spoon. Better than loading it with chemicals to keep it flowing.

Since I never measure anything and you can alter this as you wish the amounts are very approximate.

10 parts Sweet Paprika
2 parts Smoked Paprika
1 part Chipotle powder
2 parts Garlic powder
2 parts freshly ground Cumin seeds
1 part Celery seeds, ground between your fingers
1 part Dried Thyme
1 part freshly ground black pepper

Mix it in a bowl. Make sure there are no lumps. Put it in a container and keep tightly closed.

Hartman House Spice Mix

I never measure anything so the amounts are, well, variable. If I am out of something I leave it out or use something else.

4 parts sweet paprika
1 part smoked paprika
Pinch of chipotle powder
Pinch of ancho chile powder
More pinches: garlic powder, dried thyme
Ground cumin seeds
Celery seeds

Note that there is no salt or pepper. This way I can control each for each dish.

Note that this mixture can burn so you have to be careful.

Buy your garlic powder carefully. Sometimes it is dehydrated at too high a temperature and has a bitter taste.

I use this mixture as a general seasoning and as a rub for barbeque or smoking meat.