The Simplest and Fastest Tomato Sauce

Spaghetti and meatballs in less than half an hour!

Difficulty: Very Easy

Prep time: 5 minutes

Cooking time: 15 minutes

Cost per serving: $0.25 to $0.40

Useful leftovers: Yes

The Fastest and Tomatoiest!
1 can very good tomatoes.
1 onion
1 rib of celery

A bit of oil

One of the better canned tomatoes from California is fine. Check the label and if you find some without a lot of salt and without calcium chloride pick that.

Chop the onion and celery and saute in a heavy bottomed pot until translucent in a bit of oil. Add the tomatoes and heat through. Let it simmer for a while. Mash up the tomatoes. Season with salt and pepper.

This is surprisingly good and so simple. You can jazz it up by adding garlic, red wine, rosemary, cumin, pesto, basil, sausage, salami, ground beef, cheese, lemon, tiny shrimp or any number of other goodies!

You can use this sauce with pasta of course but you can also use it to cook chicken or fish or as a seasoning for other sauces. You can add it to macaroni and cheese to make it tomatoey or put it on top of a roast or meat loaf. So handy!

The reason we look for tomatoes without calcium chloride is that they add it to keep the tomatoes whole and firm, and we want them to break down into the sauce.

Onions and Fennel

Difficulty: Easy

Prep time: 5 minutes

Cooking time: 7 - 10  minutes

Cost per serving: $0.75 to $1.00

Useful leftovers: Yes. This is great thrown into a soup or used in a pasta sauce

I served a nice dinner to a friend yesterday and this was the dish he really liked. It's easy and fast and very tasty.

This recipe involves dry-frying, my technique of cooking vegetables in a hot pan with no oil or liquids.

1 Onion
1 large bulb of Fennel
A bit of olive oil or butter
Salt and Pepper

Peel, remove the stem and chop the onion into slices or chunks at least 1/4" thick. If they are too thin they will burn rather than grill.

Peel if necessary, remove the core and chop of slice the same size as the onion.

Put the vegetables in a cold heavy bottomed frying pan and turn the heat onto medium. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally until the onions are completely cooked and browned a little. Season with salt and pepper, a bit of olive oil or butter and swirl the pan around. Serve.

This dish can stay hot in the pan for a few minutes.

You can make this with parsnips, celery, very small dice of carrots, zucchini, etc.

You can serve this with Super Sauce, walnut pieces, bits of smoked ham, sliced green leafy herbs like basil or parsley, or rosemary or cumin.

Dry Fried Asparagus

Difficulty: Very Easy

Prep time: 5 minutes

Cooking time: 4 minutes

Cost per serving: $0.25 to $0.40

Useful leftovers: Yes

Dry frying is my technique of cooking vegetables in a dry hot pan until done then dressed lightly with oil or butter and seasonings.

It is really easy and fast and the veggies taste fantastic.

You need a heavy bottomed pan. You can't make this in a thin bottomed pan. Maybe you can, but I can't.

This recipe works really well with asparagus, green beans, squash, carrots, onions, celery, etc.

Asparagus, washed carefully and dried, tough stalks removed and cut into 1/2" pieces
A tiny bit of butter
Salt and pepper

Heat a cast iron pan until it is fairly hot. You don't want it extremely hot but if you drop a drop of water on it it should sizzle and the water should evaporate quickly.

Put the chopped veggies in one layer in the pan. It's ok if they don't all quite fit but if you have two complete layers the veggies will get soggy.

Shake the pan every couple of minutes while they cook. Let the veggies cook until they are slightly brown and just barely done. Toss in the bit of butter and swirl the pan just until the butter is melted and pour out into a serving dish. Season with salt and pepper and stir gently.

Easy, Fast, Tasty, Pea soup

Just one word - YUM!

Difficulty: Easy

Prep time: up to ten minutes

Cooking time: 5 minutes

Cost per serving: $0.50 and up depending on garnishes

Useful leftovers: Yes


Just like the title says this is easy, fast and very tasty. 

1 small onion or half a big one
1 small carrot of half a big one
1 pound bag of frozen peas, rinsed with hot water
Pinch of thyme, fresh or dried
1 tablespoon of olive oil

Cut the carrot and onion into small dice. Saute gently in the olive oil until they are cooked but not browned. This is called sweating.

Add the peas and enough water just to cover them. Bring to a boil and blend, either with a stick or regular blender or in a food processor. Salt and pepper to taste.

To make it fancy blend it really well then force it through a sieve. This will get rid of any bits of veggies that didn't puree completely and give you a smoother texture.

You can add a touch of cream and a dot of butter if you want a more classic French style soup.

You can garnish this soup many ways. I like crunchy or salty things as they contrast with the mild soup. Croutons, nuts, bits of ham, small chunks of lemon and bits of black olive are all great with this soup. You could put a dollop of yogurt or sour cream in the middle for a nice garnish.

Hartman House Dressing/Marinade/Cheap Drunk

NOTE: For reasons of historical accuracy and general laziness I have not edited this recipe, hence the layout problems and such. Sorry.  It's another thing we created to get plant matter into our kids stomachs. Enjoy!


1 liter     Kalamata Olive oil (1)
1 cup or so cheap balsamic vinegar
1 large wine glass     Latour '63
4 or 5  anchovy fillets, or smoked herring (see NOTE)
1/2   Lemon
1 big blopping tablespoon     Dijon mustard
1 Boatload     garlic, peeled,  little brown umbilicals and any brown spots cut off (2)
1 Boatload     fresh herbs (3)
Wooooseeestershire sauce to taste, probably a teaspoon or so
Freshly cracked black pepper to taste
One nasty little pinch of sugar
Salt to taste

1) Juice the lemon and if you want, chop up a teaspoon or so of the zest. Rinse the herbs and dry them on a paper towel. (4)

2) Put the garlic, mustard, anchovies, herbs, lemon juice and zest into a food processor. Add enough balsamic vinegar just to cover it and chop the bejeezes out of it. It doesn't need to be pureed,  it should have lots of little pieces in it.

3) With the motor running if possible, add a few drops of olive oil. Let it process for a few seconds to start the emulsion. Slowly add more oil, waiting for it to process every few seconds.

I don't have a big food processor, so at this point I put it into a large bowl and use a wire whisk to beat it like DELETED as I slowly add the oil. You'll want to add more vinegar.

4) Call me first, then rush like hell over to my house so I can have the Latour. Hmm, maybe I'll make myself a steak to go with it. Thanks!

5) Add the Woosterstuff sauce, pepper and sugar. Mix it up and taste it (I like to use a cucumber stick or jicama, but a clean finger works well) before you add any salt, or more pepper or other stuff.

(1) OK, so you'll need a little less than that.
(2) 1 boatload equals a dozen big cloves or so. At least.
(3) A bunch of basil and half a bunch of parsley does well. I use about two cups of herbs.
(4) You don't have to go crazy drying the herbs, they're full of water anyway.

 NOTE: If you are using canned anchovies or anchovy paste you don't have to rinse them. If you are using the fancy salted anchovies then soak them for five minutes in water, then pull their little spines out, pinch off any bones or guts that are left on them (this is why anchovies don't like humans) and rinse them well. You can also use smoked herring, which is really cheap and you can get it in any market. A can costs about a buck. Sometimes they are called kippers or kippered herring. Use the ones in oil, not sauce.

NEXT NOTE: It hardly ever stays emulsified so don't worry about it.

EVEN MORE OF THESE DAMN NOTES:  You might notice that I have these NB type notes and the numbered notes above. I noticed that too. Too much Fledermaus will do that to ya.

SIGH - MORE NOTES:  If you are going to use a different oil, I would recommend cheaper rather than more expensive. You are going to process it with a boatload of garlic and anchovies. Any subtle flavor derived from the precious volcanic soils of Vesuvius are going to be smothered by the fragrant tang of the fruit of Gilroy.